It’s easy to blame the world outside for your life inside,...

It’s easy to blame the world outside for your life inside,...

It’s easy to blame the world outside for your life inside, but the truth is we are the authors of our own destinies… no matter how dire.

I have lost so much and, despite all my efforts, I haven’t been able to prevent anything. I continue to fail.

In just the last few years I have lost people who were very dear to me, whom I loved, and who might be here today if I could have saved them. Despite trying each ended the same way… and my failure is the reason.

It is easy to say that I did my best, yet I know I could have done better….maybe my tombstone should read: “He should have tried harder”.

The point is my life is meaningless: I can’t even help myself, let alone those I love. And as such, I have lost everyone and everything: unable to work, eat, nor be productive.

I know what you are thinking… and you are right. But don’t worry… I fail at everything. Instead I’ll just let myself sink below the surface, and no doubt my damned self-preservation instinct will drag my head above the calm.

Despite appearances. I am not posting this for attention, nor validations, (it’s gone beyond that), it’s just that I feel the need to explain my forthcoming disconnect from everything.

Loving is not enough.

Till I resurface, don’t worry
https://www.instagram.com/p/CgjhgNRrzNG/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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Half-Polish / Half-Italian British-born artist-cum-photographer who earned a living as a designer and artist between jobs as a teacher and IT Comms specialist (CV and other details via [profile] above.) A baritone, autistic polymath, and member of Mensa (6σ IQ), I am Jan Szafranski and also known as The Sadistic Scribbler.

Started out as a comic book artist (first underground in the '70s to mainstream in the late '80s) before teaching art & photography to teens. Moved into computers, web-design, photo-manips, etc. before returning to teaching in 2002.

In 2006 I temporarily lost my sight (right in the middle of a lesson with Year 11s), regained it but then started on the slow downhill decline that comes with MS… including pain, fatigue, vision & cognitive problems, and tremors & spasms. Add to that recent development of osteoarthritis, and all of which make drawing, painting and photographing very difficult when not in remission.

I’m now 'sorta-retired' because of the symptoms, but will still accept art or photography commissions, as well as website designs and IT consultancy. More details of which can be found on my business site: www.idea-technology.co.uk and artist portal: www.sadisticscribbler.co.uk.

I am currently working on developing my use of digital painting. Digital painting is an emerging art form in which traditional painting techniques such as watercolor, oils, etc. are applied using digital tools by means of a computer, a digitizing tablet and stylus, and software. Digital painting differs from other forms of digital art, particularly computer-generated art, in that it does not involve the computer rendering from a model, nor does it use the computer to automatically generate a pseudo-painting. Instead, the artist uses traditional painting techniques to create the digital painting directly on the computer as if it were just another brush or medium.

I create the painting, directly on my PC, by using various painting software. The tablet can be compared to a canvas or watercolor paper surface, while the stylus pen or mouse is my paintbrush.

All images © Jan Szafranski. Unauthorized use prohibited.

These images and writings are not a part of the public domain. They are not stock and may not be used for manipulations, references, blogs, journals, share sites, etc. All images and writing are copyright © Jan Szafranski (also known as the Sadistic Scribbler).

Any copying, altering, displaying and redistributing of Jan Szafranski’s images and text is strictly prohibited, without express written permission from the artist and is considered a violation of applicable laws.