Where is Ava de Lacey?

I’m sorry if you were hoping for some hit piece on the one-time model Ava de Lacy (alt spelling), but there’s already a plethora of them online. No, this is something else and it is hoped that wherever, whoever, she is now she at least gets to read this.

I’m assuming that if you don’t normally read my blog yet here you are, it’s because you either know Ava (or Axelle, or Arielle, etc.) from her modelling work or on a personal level. As you can probably tell, I’m an old friend of hers who lost touch with her not long after her mother died. The reason for this blog post is that recently several men of her acquaintance have contacted me about her and it appears that she has fallen off the face of the Earth.

But this is not about what these gents had to say, as that’s between them and her, rather it is about the importance of one’s past and the people therein… no matter how traumatic the memories may be. In this case, the people in question are myself and her late best friend since childhood: Callie (seen with Ava below).

Now I’m not going to be talking about the model persona with which some of you may be familiar (enjoy the photos though), but to the woman behind the persona. Or rather, the woman that both Callie and I have known for many years. It should be noted that this isn’t the same woman who the rest of you may have known personally… but that is another story.

The reason I’m writing this is that we are fast approaching the 2nd year anniversary of Callie’s death. Just before her 25th birthday, Callie committed suicide. Even after all this time it is still very raw for me (and her friends and family), but at least I was able to say goodbye… unlike the young woman she called her best friend: Ava.

Now I know that Ava gave up modelling and her past life (together with all her mistakes) and moved on to reinvent herself, but I believe that ghosting the one person who stood by her through thick and thin was, and still is, a big mistake. I understand why she felt it necessary, but I think it did her as much harm as it did Callie.

And because of this, Callie died trying until her last breath to contact her friend. She knew that Ava may not want to re-establish the friendship, and she wasn’t looking to, but she knew the importance of speaking to her one last time. Unable to do so, she wrote a final letter to her friend both for her own sake but more importantly for the sake of Ava.

As Callie was living with me when she died, I tried (not as successfully as I had hoped) to contact all those who were dear to Callie, especially those whom she loved and who loved her. As such I tried to make Ava aware, while still not choosing to get back into her life. I believe I was successful as she found out about Callie’s death.

I have to be candid here. What annoyed me then, and still annoys me today, is how Ava responded to this. Clearly she felt the impact of Callie’s sudden death, yet instead of meeting with Callie’s mother and sisters to share condolences, she left the card outside their door so as not to be seen. Now I understand she wanted to put the old life behind her, but in the circumstances she should have shared her feelings with those she grew up with. Hiding away only bottles up what happened, and was in my opinion disrespectful, but more importantly is how you responded Ava, and will gnaw at you… and you don’t need me to tell you how dangerous that is for you.

Still being candid, Ava not turning up for the funeral (even if just at the back in hat and veil) greatly upset me, and worries me as to how you are going to cope. There were people there who rarely step outside their front door due to mental issues, yet they were still able to come and pay their respects. There was absolutely no reason for Ava not to attend and pay her respects to Callie, and to say goodbye.

I know Ava very well, and know that this behaviour of hers will continue to gnaw at her. She will try to bury it, along with her past life, but the love she and Callie shared, whether or not she admits it to herself, is more than what people now think of the new woman Ava has become, and will continue to grow until it triggers a massive emotional reaction which will bring all her new life crashing about her. She knows to what I am referring, and after 2 years this has become an inevitable catastrophe.

It is important that Ava addresses this and doesn’t try to bottle it up.

As Ava didn’t speak to Callie’s mother, nor did she attend the funeral (nor the inquest for that matter), she wasn’t able to receive the letter that Callie wrote for her. I too was left a letter, and I attended the funeral. I know just how important both things were, even more so than anything I could have imagined. So Ava wasn’t at the funeral, but she can still read Callie’s last words to her (they are open and loving, and not critical). And Ava really needs to do this… sooner rather than later, especially if she’s serious of letting go of the past.

I’m not asking this of Ava so that she and I can re-establish contact, I told her when she left that I would not follow, but my honest feelings have not changed and I do not wish to see Ava hurt herself nor destroy that future for which she sacrificed Callie and so much. So if you are reading this, Ava (or whoever you are now), please arrange to get Callie’s letter for you and, even if you don’t want to, talk to someone who shares memories of you and Callie. You need this, despite how hard it might be.

Hopefully Ms de Lacey will read this and will be able to do the right thing. If she does, her future will be more hopeful. And I hope that she finds a way to be happy.

Jan

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